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Archive for September, 2015

Oct. 9th, 2014

I found an old poem I wrote after Tim left for Winter King season last year. The realization that time is ticking without any input from me became very real that morning as we drove to the airport. The fears, the responsibilities. All too real. I share it with you now.

Time is my enemy
Time is my friend
Where has the time gone?
You were here, now you are not.
Time is my enemy
Time has no end
I dig my heels in o stay in this moment
It doesn’t matter, it’s gone
I couldn’t hold it

Where does it go when I’m enjoying it?
To feel it again…
I come alive in the moment
Treasure every second
How it feels, how it smells
How it tastes, how it sounds
Memories – ALL are precious

“It’s only three weeks this time.”
If I hear it again I’ll scream
My life is REAL
This is no dream
Life is too short to take it for granted
Solomon said it best, we’re a breath
I have learned to treasure each minute
I get it. It’s not going to last forever
I can’t hold back time, just like I can’t hold back pain

I’m alone with 6 children
I’m a mother
I’m responsible
I put you on a plane
said, “Goodbye”
I’m vulnerable

Quick! Get me something to do!
A new workout, A craft project
Yes, indeed! I’m on it!
Anything to take my mind off it!

Going solo was not what I planned
God knew we needed it
Ant through pain we’ve bonded
Come back to me!
Just come as quick as you can.
I miss you
I’m your woman
You are my man

Time was my enemy
Now Time is my friend
It’s working for me
I don’t have to force it
Soon. We’ll be together again.

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Two weeks ago tomorrow, my husband left home and traveled to Alaska, and I became a fisherman’s wife. After dropping him off at the airport and surviving the whole day with my six children (5 of whom are still on summer vacation) alone, I journaled the experience in my purple spiral notebook that I bought at Wal-Mart for 17 cents¬†during their back to school sale. This, however, did not prove to be a good place because now it is missing and all my hard work of journaling on paper just made for lost time. I am starting my blog without my rough paper draft! UGH! You should be shuddering right now… “Don’t worry! I remember what it said, ‘Dear Darla, I hate yer stinkin’ guts! You are scum between my…” (Little Rascals) and I’ll stop there in case that is causing you confusion.

I am handling being a single mom as good as to be expected. This is the third year for us that we have been separated by land and sea. Each time I declare I will never do it again and yet, here we are today. I keep saying that there is only two options to choose from. Give up fishing or move to Alaska.¬†However, it would seem that there is a third option! And that is, to continue the physical state of being separate, which is (to my dismay – now that it has been two weeks) what we inevitably keep choosing. That being said, I am ready for him to be home. We all are…

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